One look at our cultural moment and it's easy to tell that men and their identities are in crisis. Though lost and fractured, men face the pressure to be perfect. Our reactionary society is quick to condemn and slow to forgive, leaving men more confused than ever about how to live and who to be. Yet in Scripture, we continually find God choosing to work in and through flawed, imperfect, and broken individuals. Men who had massive character flaws and significant moral failings, but who also shared one important characteristic: the desire to follow the call of their Creator. With engaging personal stories and insight into biblical truths, Nathan Clarkson declares to today's man that he is more than what the culture is telling him he is--angry, selfish, predatory, violent, and bored. Instead, still on the journey himself, Nathan calls today's man to find his identity in the One who created him on purpose, for a purpose, and encourages him to live an honest, authentic life marked by a winsome combination of confidence and humility.
★★★1/2
In this bit of Christian nonfiction, actor and writer Nathan Clarkson presents the case that men are often more emotionally nuanced than today's media would have you believe. Across movies, music, social media platforms, even novels and news, men are often portrayed as "angry, predatory, violent, selfish, and bored". In this book, Clarkson wants attention brought to the men out there who actually wish to seek out and live honest, simple, faith-based lives full of integrity, empathy, and kindness.
"Good men aren't perfect men. Being a good man isn't the absence of failing; instead, it's the determination to decide, and keep on deciding, to get up and continue on. To keep fighting to become the men they were designed to be. Being a good man isn't about having it all together right now or reaching a destination quickly. Being a good man is simply committing to the journey of becoming the man you were made to be, no matter how long or hard the road is. It's the choice to take the first step of the journey and then continue on even when you're hurt or feeling weak."
Clarkson starts by saying that we all have certain images (maybe biases, even) of what defines "a real man" in our mind. These images we carry could be influenced by movies we've loved, books we've read, maybe even someone we've known personally that left a great impression on us. Think about that. All these men out in the world wanting to, expected to, live up to a certain ideal of manhood, yet everyone carries a slightly different definition of what that is exactly... you can see where a man could run into some problems with that. Clarkson wanted to know --- Is there a general blueprint one might be able to refer to to better guide his life towards being the best man he could be? Our author set himself to developing one.
Researching not only admirable men in his own life but also characters from books, film, historical figures, and even men of the Bible, Clarkson eventually broke it all down into fifteen general attributes that seemed universal across all these sources. He reminds readers that while referring to this list to guide them, they "don't have to be perfect, just willing."
Here's the gist of the list:
1. Adventurous -- that desire to have a life of meaning, of greatness, and to be a seeker of truth, wherever that takes you
2. Devout -- still the mind & heart, connect with spiritual center
3. Heroic -- living a life of virtue, wanting to fight for justice for the underdog in a world that tends to be more attracted to the villain or antihero
4. Honest -- facing and addressing addictions, weakpoints in your character
5. Brotherly -- beneficial effects of developing some sort of brotherhood / support group of men, people who can relate to your journey and/or struggles
6. Healthy -- being more honest with yourself about just how much physical, mental, and spiritual health are interconnected, working to better honor that for an overall healthier you
7. Emotional -- the importance of men embracing "a good cry"
8. Authentic -- dropping social veneers that you're "just fine", accepting/being kinder to the more broken bits of yourself
9. Romantic -- religious communities often oversell "sex = sin", causing many to develop shame around one of the more beautiful experiences of life, while mainstream media tends to go the other way with messages of "No rules! Do what you want! YOLO!" Men instead should seek out the happy medium, enjoy the process of actually getting to know a partner on multiple levels prior to partaking in physical fun times. (I will say though, Clarkson also argues for abstinence before marriage, while I personally lean more toward abstinence before LOVE... not everyone necessarily wants marriage these days... just sayin'.)
10. Wise -- Men who readily embrace a life of intelligence, introspection, and empathy often tend to be mocked by society, but these men should shirk off any sense of shame and be proud of their desire to be curious aobut the world. As Clarkson puts it, "Wisdom is the conduit for living a healthy life." It is also in this chapter that the author shares stories of his lifelong struggle with ADHD, OCD, and dyslexia, yet still makes a point to carve out time to seek out and consume the knowledge he craves.
11. Ambitious -- cultivating your own unique gifts/talents to craft a truly satisfying life full of joy, purpose, and a generous, loving spirit; in this chapter Clarkson encourages readers to become men of action and firm decision makers
12. Fighter -- many men have a warrior sense within them, a desire to fight, to battle injustice, etc but society says that instinct is bad and men should repress; rather than being kept tamped down, that energy should be redirected into healthy, useful ways that will scratch that "fighter" itch
13. Simple -- Clarkson writes, "We live in a world that celebrates the highlights reel." Instead, focus should be on simplifying, streamlining overall life to better develop a sense of calm, free of the noise of needing to impress anyone; appreciate the greatness that can be found in doing general day-to-day actions well
14. Servant's Heart -- rather than letting pride/ego consume you, develop a humble character that is fed by selflessly helping others, making it a daily choice to live this way; don't shy away from "the fractured places of the world," as Clarkson puts it.
15. Committed -- strengthening your long game in a world of instant gratification (ie. diet pills, fast food, mood enhancers, easy hookups lacking romance); be willing to put in the work on things and find that inner drive of stubborn perseverance *Remember the old maxims "Slow and steady wins the race", "Anything worthwhile takes time", etc... and that an "overnight success" actually rarely ever is.
Each chapter closes with "Questions for Reflection" and a prayer for strengthening the particular aspect of a man's character discussed within that chapter. In this way, it's already perfectly structured for bible study groups or personal growth devotional time. At times, Clarkson does come off as trying a little too hard to be the "I'm just different" guy (like the line "Nerd territory -- I love videogames." Well, you and a massive chunk of the male population in general, I'd say, so that one kinda slips out of "nerd territory" for me... but moving on..) and if you like your Christian reading to be on preach-lite, well he does get a little heavier-handed with the pulpit talk towards the end of the book. But overall I'd say Clarkson's book here starts up a really important conversation in a refreshing, easily readable way. And he does have a way with metaphors! My personal favorite, "Until we admit we are wounded and broken, the doctor cannot begin his work."
Before closing this out, I thought I'd tack on this final thought as a female reader approaching this work. I actually went into this thinking it'd give me better perspective into my husband's mind. But ya know, there's plenty here that works across genders for making better people all around. Not to take anything away from the men. This book is the start of sorely needed representation for the good guys of the world. I'm just saying there are also takeaways for curious female readers as well.
FTC Disclaimer: Baker Books kindly provided me with a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. The opinions above are entirely my own.
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To be added later....
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